It has been many months or more than a year, when I am searching for happiness. It doesn’t I never smiled, I never laughed and I never entertained my life but all these happiness was for that moment only. I travelled many places, spent many hours with friends, tried many new things but I failed to get achieve what I wanted. Sometime I ask myself, ‘is this me only in search of happiness or there are many?’; and sometime I ask ‘if the happiness really exists in the world or it is just a word in the dictionary’. I don’t but my search didn’t end and didn’t take me anywhere. I am still there where I was; at least this is what I feel. But it doesn’t mean in this period of time I never get happiness, Yes I did. I had great time travelling many places, many people and doing many new things. The happiness I felt was different and unique. There are many facts which I was able to understand by doing all this for the year. It was amazing, it was awesome. But there is another fact behind this and that is, this all was for a while may be that lasted for few days or weeks but again sitting alone in my room I search for happiness, ‘the true happiness’.
In this period of time, I met many people with different profession, different age groups, different places and different mind sets and tried to understand if it is me only or there are others suffering for this disease. May be for you it is life but I don’t see people who are deeply intended to understand the truth of ‘true happiness’; or may be there are more like me. Let me share you few things here basically the people. I met a rickshaw puller, we had a tea together at a shop. First I tried to know about him and then I asked him, ‘how you manage these things?’ he has 3 kids and his wife who also works as a maid. Kids are of age group 10, 12 and 13. Finally I asked him “tum khush rahte ho (are you happy)?” he replied “bilkul saahab. Biwi bachche sab saath hain. Hum dono miya biwi din bhar kaam karte hain fir raat ko sab saath rahte hain. Sab theek hai sab, ekdum khush hain sab. Jo kam jada hai wahi bahut hai. (Yes sir. I am happy with my wife and kids. We husband and wife work in day time and then in the night we spend good time together. May be less or more but we are happy with whatever we have)” and a grin on his face I cannot forget. And when I was leaving that shop he called me up “saaheb chai ke paise to de do (sir please pay for the tea)” I laughed a loud and paid for the tea.
Recently, again in my journey with friends we stopped our car in a small village. In 2-3 minutes of time many kids gathered around us, just after seeing that one stopped there in their village. Though this village was on the highway, they used to see many cars and vehicles on the road but no one stopped there ever. Those kids were so happy, their smile was priceless. They were in torn clothes or there were many patches on that. But they were happy, they were happy more than me, I guess more than anyone of us. I spent few priceless minutes with them. Their faces are still in my memory, it didn’t get erase. I enjoyed my trip but I wasn’t happy.
I tried a lot to understand, ‘What exactly makes me happy?’ ‘Why there is a smile on my face sometime?’ and ‘why it all get disappear, like I never smiled and I was never been happy?’, ‘Why it happens?’ and every time I try to get answer of these questions, every time I find myself with another “Why?”
Sometime I feel like I am a fool looking for the answers of these questions, may be I am. Happiness indeed is indescribable but the feeling of happiness has definition and has physical appearance. It’s not just a smile on ones face it is more than anything in the world. Laughing a loud doesn’t stay for long. Ask yourself when you laughed a loud last time? If you get an answer you are really a happy person but if not then you also you will get answer of some questions. I know life can’t stop at just one smile or laugh, it is life which keeps running and happiness is just part of this life.
Having fun with friends when I come back to my room I forget everything and again start searching for happiness which I really don’t know if that really exists. I try to understand how that rickshaw puller is happy, how those kids are happy however they are unable to fulfill their basic need. Yes, they do have food and clothes and a shelter but nothing else and on the other end it’s me who has more than they have but I am less happy than them. What I got to know after experimenting many things is “a place, a person and any thing cannot make you happy; they don’t entertain you, it’s you who entertain yourself not these places or people or any materialistic things.” “Happiness lies in you. This is not in the outer world, it is inside you.” And I am trying to search and trying to understand how I can keep myself happy, not by the places, not by the people and not by any other materialistic thing but just being with me. I don’t want to be in the audience watching a Joker to keep myself happy, asking my friends to gather to entertain me instead I want to be happy just being with myself. I want to get the happiness which is inside me, which is not a just a smile, a laugh but is the ‘true happiness’.
To be continued…
(Copy right © Vishal Singh)
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